Faking It

Sorry for the crappy quality, obviously this picture was scanned. I'm the little one on the left.  How do you like those fuchsia pants, and too small for me sweatshirt?  What a great combo!

I'm sick.  When you're a mom being sick sucks.  I remember back in my younger days I used to enjoy being sick.  Being sick meant sleeping all day long, no school, and sympathy from family and friends.  I used to fake being sick to get out of going to school.  I loved school, don't get me wrong, but there were times I hated the kids I went to school with.  In elementary school I had glasses.  I was taller than everyone else.  I was considered one of the smart kids, a teacher's pet.  In the decade of Guess Jeans and LA Gear I wore hand-me-downs, homemade bell bottoms, and LA Gear wannabe's from Payless ShoeSource.  In short, I was a nerd.  Kids can be cruel when you don't fit in and when you don't wear the right clothes and shoes.  So school wasn't always my favorite place to be.

Yet another great example of my nerd status.  I'm sure these clothes were all hand-me-downs from the pretty sister in the striped shirt.  So, we can safely guess that they were at least a decade out of style.  Also, how do you like the coke bottle glasses that TINTED IN THE SUN.  Yes, you read that right my glasses were also sunglasses.  Yep, I was that cool!

Enter:  Faking Sick

Being the youngest of 6 kids it was really hard, if not impossible, to get away with faking sick.  My parents had pretty much seen and heard it all before.  If you were claiming that your stomach hurt, then you'd better have the vomit and/or diarrhea to prove it.  Headaches were not a reason to stay home.  You didn't get to stay home if you had the common cold.  They just sent you to school with a pocket full of toilet paper (the poor man's tissue) and Luden's throat drops (the only redeeming thing about having to go to school with a cold).  Your temperature had to be over 100 if you even expected my parents to look at the thermometer.

I remember well an incident when I was trying to convince my parents that I really was sick.  My stomach was hurting, but I wasn't throwing up and I had no fever.  It was a given that my parents wouldn't believe me if I told them I had a stomachache because I had no symptoms to prove it.  Now, before you think my parents uncaring and callous people, in their defense I really did cry wolf a lot and like the boy in the story, no one believed me when I was telling the truth.  Anyhow, back to the story.  I remember watching TV and seeing a kid hold a thermometer over a light bulb in order to fake a fever.  In desperation I put the thermometer, one of those old school glass ones that were filled with mercury, over the light bulb.  I swear that I held it there forever (it was probably more like 2 minutes) and when I checked it, it was only up 1 degree.  Well, I needed to speed up the process before my parents caught me so I went straight to the greatest source of heat in the house.  The gas stove.  I turned on one of the burners, waited for the flames to ignite, then I put that mercury filled thermometer right into the fire.

Do you know what happens to a mercury filled thermometer when you put it in fire?  Ya, it blows up. My mom heard the pop and came running.  There I was, with a broken thermometer in my hand and tears rolling down my face.  As she took in the scene I saw a smile start to form on her face.  Then she started laughing.  Through my gasping sobs I tried to explain to her that I really didn't feel good and I didn't think she would believe me because I didn't have a fever.  She turned off the burner, took the thermometer out of my hand and gathered me in a gentle hug.  She assured me that she loved me and that she believed me when I was telling her that my stomach hurt.

My accident with the thermometer has gone down in the family history books.  I am past the days of faking sick to try to get out of things.  You can't fake sick and get out of being a mother.  Sick or not, my kids still need to be fed, taken to school, and loved.  In short they need ME.  So, now instead of relishing in the sickness, I dread it.  It's no fun being sick when you're a mom.  No fun at all!