Old Post, New Blog

I'm getting ready to go on a quick trip so I don't really have time to write a new post, and I am 2 days behind my goal of posting everyday.  I also completely failed to post Valentine's Day, and what a disaster it was, until my hubby got home and saved the day.  Anyhow, I thought I would put a post on here that I'd written on my other blog.  Enjoy!  And I will try to post while I'm away!  Originally posted November 2008

Large Protuding Eyes

In the fall and spring of 1999-2000 I was attending BYU and also preparing to submit my mission papers. As part of your mission papers you are required to undergo a physical to make sure you are healthy enough to withstand the rigors of mission life (and trust me, it is pretty rigorous). Kolette came with me to the BYU Health Center on the day of my appointment which shall hereafter be called The Fateful Day. I filled out all necessary paperwork and the physical began. The doctor poked and prodded. Had me stick out my tongue. Felt my neck and my breasts (both for lumps, I'm assuming). Knocked my knees with her handy little tool to see if my legs would kick on their own (love to make legs to that, it is such a cool reflex), and made me breathe into a tube (because of my history of asthma). After breathing into the tube the doctor proclaimed, "No, biking mission for you!". Awww, shucks! I was soooo disappointed!

As the doctor was finishing up the examination on The Fateful Day she looked at me and said, "Have you always had those large protruding eyes?"

Kolette is in the corner sitting on the chair. I look at her and notice that she is having a hard time breathing. I start to get concerned until I realize that her breathing is just fine. She's turning blue from trying to hold in her laughter. I turn my head away in disgust and look at the doctor.

"Um, yes."

"Oh, okay. It's just that large protruding eyes can be a sign of a thyroid problem. So, if your large protruding eyes developed recently then I would've tested your thyroid to see if your large protruding eyes are from a thyroid problem, but since you've always had those large protruding eyes then I won't worry about your large protruding eyes." (Yes, she did say large protruding eyes that many times and Yes, Kolette did double over in laughter as we left the BYU health clinic. In fact, I think I even saw a little pee trickle down her leg she was laughing so hard.)

I was aghast! Me? Large protruding eyes? NO! I've heard my eyes called big and round but never large and protruding!

My large protruding eyes quickly became a family joke and at get together's large protruding eyes could be heard being thrown around as casually as hello and dr. pepper please.

Now, I took the teasing in good stride. My eyes are large. There is no getting around that. But, protruding??? Please! That doctor didn't know what she was talking about.

So, imagine my horror when I looked at these pictures I took with Cyrus today, (he was begging for some attention since my butt was firmly glued to the computer chair) and realized that MY EYES PROTRUDE! After viewing this freakish phenomenon on the camera I quickly ran into the bathroom to view my eyes and their protrudishness. I looked from every possible angle and yes, I will admit that from the side, my eyes give off the APPEARANCE of protrusion but looking head-on their not too bad, until I SMILED!

Apparently, I am an EYE-BUGGER OUTER. What you've never heard of this disorder? Hmm...let me enlighten you. An EYE-BUGGER OUTER is one who when they really want to convey extreme joyous emotion through the medium of film has a tendency, when smiling hard, to bug out (pop out) their eyes. I had no idea I suffered from this rare disorder until today.

So you see, the doctor completely misdiagnosed me!

She interpreted my hard smile and my excitement over my mission call for a possible thyroid problem when it was in actually EYE-BUGGER OUTER DISORDER. In case any of you are thinking that you suffer from this same disorder, I feel for you. Let's band together and start a support group.

I feel like I also need to share that I think I've found a cure. It's not easy, and it will take a lot out of you. It's called the soft smile. Instead of trying to convey all your joy and excitement in a picture you must try to dial it down a notch. So go for 50% wattage instead of 100% on your smile and all will be well. Phew! I know! Just when you thought all was lost....but, no worries. I'm here for you. Practice in front of your mirror. Take some test shots with the camera and I promise you will be able to avoid the large protruding eyes! And no, I've have not come up with a cure for the DISAPPEARING EYES DISORDER. My mom suffers from this one. Mom, I love you and I'm working on a cure! I promise! Don't lose hope!

So there you have it. My large protruding eyes was actually a disorder. I have setbacks here and there but I'm working on it.

It's okay. Don't feel bad. You didn't know it was a disorder. I forgive you for all the teasing.


In Other News:

Here are some fun pictures from this afternoon and examples of a soft smile in case you needed one to try at home.

(Cyrus got a hold of the camera and wanted to take a picture of me so here is one of my chest. Lovely, no?)

(Here is Carma's chest as well. Hmm....starting to see a pattern.)

(This is what happens when you are on the computer instead of supervising your kids. Carma got busy doing some artwork with a pen that I think I distractedly handed to her. Nice.)

(Also because my butt was glued to the computer chair Cyrus had to jump on it to give me hugs.)

(Soft smile example #1. Notice, no protrusion)

(Soft smile example #2. Once again, no protrusion. I think I'm getting the hang of it!)