Defying Gravity

Me, at about the age when I was diagnosed with asthma.

 

One night when I was 3 maybe 4, my parents stood in the doorway of my bedroom listening to me as I struggled to breathe.  My mom walked over and pulled up my night shirt to watch my chest.  I was fighting to so hard to take a breath that my mom could count my ribs as I would draw in air.  They were concerned, as any parent would be when you see your child in distress.  I'm sure my father gave me a priesthood blessing before they rushed me to the ER.  

In the ER I was given breathing treatments and they ran some tests.  I was diagnosed with Asthmatic Pneumonia.  I was in the hospital for 3 or 4 days as they pumped me full of antibiotics and gave me breathing treatments to help clear out my lungs.  A respiratory therapist would come and bang on my back throughout the day and I was made to sit under a tent that was full of hot steam.  I'm sure there were practical and healing reasons for these procedures, but I just remember it being pure torture.  There was a nice nurse who taught my mom how to french braid my hair.  Knowing how to french braid hair when you have 5 girls is a pretty important skill.

When I was released from the hospital I was labeled as Asthmatic.  I was given an inhaler and put on preventative medicine.  I was told I had to take it easy with any physical activity and I was watched like a hawk to make sure I didn't overdo it.  When I entered elementary school I gave a note to the PE teacher explaining that I had asthma.  I never had to run the mile and at times I was excused from PE because the activity they were doing was too strenuous for a little girl like me.

Asthma was a serious bummer.  I started to believe that I COULDN'T do things because I was Asthmatic.  People told me I shouldn't run or I might have an asthma attack, so I didn't run.  At a young age I learned that being asthmatic was part of who I was.  As I grew up I allowed my asthma to define me.  It was my go to excuse.  "Oh sorry, I can't play, I have asthma."  "Nope, can't do that, I have asthma."  I also used asthma as a way to get out of school and at times, chores.  Where I failed at faking a fever, I was the master of faking an asthma attack.  I could wheeze my way into going home early from school with the best of them.  As I got older and my sister, Kolette, put me in charge of cleaning the bathroom I knew exactly what chemicals to mix that would trigger an attack and have me resting on my bed in no time.

Pretty much the only physical activity I was encouraged to do was swimming.  Swimming doesn't seem to affect asthmatics as much as other sports.  Lucky for me I LOVED swimming.  I was a little fish.  At least according to Agatha (an Italian girl who lived with us one summer and stalked my brother.  Oh, but that's a whole other post!).  She used to call me "her little fishy"(said with an Italian accent, of course).

Seriously, look at that tan line!  I LIVED in the pool and I had the green hair and tan lines to prove it!

As I've gotten older, the opportunities to practice my preferred form of exercise have gotten less and less.  It's hard to swim laps when A) you have no pool and B) you can't afford a membership to a gym that has a pool and a daycare.  So, in an effort to lose some stubborn baby weight that has made itself right at home (on my hips) and to try to get healthier, I have done something I never thought I was capable of.  I have started running.

I have tried in the past to defy all the odds and become a runner, but almost every time my runs would end with me sitting on the sidewalk, clutching my chest and fighting for air.  I have learned over the years that, because of asthma, I can't run as fast as some people do.  My version of running would probably be considered more of a jog.  But, it's running to me. So, when I decided to give running one last try I did some research and started a program that basically took me from the couch to running a 5k, in 9 weeks.  The program had me walking and running in timed intervals.  My body slowly built up endurance to run for an extended period of time and my lungs slowly adapted.  I learned to regulate my breathing and I found my perfect pace that got my heart rate up, while still allowing me to breathe normally.

I remember the first time I ran for 20 minutes straight.  I ran inside the house and woke up Dave to tell him.  I was so excited!  It was the first time I had ever ran for that long AND I could still breathe.

I run my first 5k tomorrow.  I'm running it with my sister-in-law's.  They will probably be faster than me, but that's okay.  Tomorrow, I am going to become a runner.  Tomorrow, I am going to defy gravity.

  

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try

Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you won't bring me down! 

 

I'm through accepting limits
'cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know! 

  

                                                      

-Defying Gravity (as sung on Glee) from the musical Wicked